Plans, Epiphanies

So I've decided on some plans although they could change, I did want to go with one friend to bangalore but it seemed to expensive to me. Now I think I want to stay at Sadhana Forest and continue to cleanse my body with food whilst doing somethings I would have missed out on such as the shiatsu massage and the Non Violent communication Intensive 24 hour week workshop. I went to it today and had many epiphanies: I am scared of not being in control, I dont have to think of the end of a relationship as its true end, the concept of impermanence is a belief, also a feeling of the lack of masculinity if I express my need for a relationship with a woman or fear of long periods of loneliness or fear of being hurt. Also fear of not fulfilling my ego image...also feeling what the person is trying to communicate rather than the surface level words. So I want to stay in Sadhana long enough to spend more time not with the addiction which is mastrubation rewiring with brain, also then I want to get to goa and gokarna and stay in a really cheap hotel and spend a lot of time with EFT Matrix Re-Imprinting maybe healing 1000 memories in 1 and a half months and doing some spontaneous meditation. Then later I can have a look at vipanassa and Osho's Ashram and Rishikesh and Communities in the himalayas and maybe earning some money in bollywood. I had an epiphany today that I should completely stop thinking about trying to become enlightened or spiritually grow because its taking me out of the present moment.

Auroville- Sadhana forest

The reason I decided to go travelling: the sense of community and love I got from the peers in my community when I was volunteering. This is an intentional community with a concentration on forestry, kindness, vegan food, workshops here and there, and we generally finish work about 12pm, we have a fun wake-up call with songs and community hugging etc, we have a moment of silence before eating and 2 work shifts which are done in a calmer less profit orientated manner. I feel extremely silly, playful, alive and I fit in 5 hours of meditation like activity everyday. I dont get any sense of isolation, loneliness or seperation so I dont think of the future or think too deeply, I still discuss deep things with like minded people and have people to express things without being judged. I think intentional communitys are a big part of spiritual growth its healing. I want to make a few with more of an emphasis on spiritual growth- such as trauma release like eft, kinaesology, hypnosis, reiki, letting go with dance, drumming, chanting, art, emptiness with zen, sharing circles with self expression (oh yes that is pretty cool sharing personal things with 60 people in a circle, shiatsu, qigong, tai chi, yoga, lucid dreaming etc