Gokarna Epiphanies, learnings, Experiences

So I've been making good friends with the a few people at Kudle Beach and they are very aware and smart people. So I had a great time discussing very deep things and learning and organising ideas.

The chinese yoga sequences Yi Jin Jing and five animals are devastatingly powerful. I've had a few really nice meals.

I have looked at the dream yoga book and made a journal for a few days. Improving on the practices and the amount of Qigong I know.

I walked with my friend Diego to Om beach and then Paradise beach we had a very deep chat, and it also rained that night.

Another day and we had deep discussions again.

It was diegos last day because of the full moon party but they just wanted to sit down and I wanted to meet people, my own age, maybe women. They didnt so I just decided to leave for this other beach we planned to go to.

I was doing my Qigong that night and I felt a ridiculous amount of Qi energy in my arms not just my hands. Also I shook on the chair for ten minutes after the Qigong just staring at the candle.

I noticed something about pleasure..I noticed that pleasure can be a form of attack, a way to allow the mind to be angry and proud in ignorance, to strengthen the ego, to temporary relieve the pain...eg froma a belief that I am unloved. whereas when you dont have the belief you dont feel so much pleasure.

I noticed that with women sometimes if I havent been with a woman in a while there is a feeling of being unloved physically so I want to temporarily cover up this pain, whereas if I have been with many women recently it is more about giving love rather than fear, jealousy, pride or anger.

Also I did the dream yoga practices one day, nothing happened but it was good to do...with guru yoga, nine purification breaths and imagining guardians. The next day I slept in the daytime and dreamt very vividly, I missed it the next day due to feeling uncomfortable with the tantra realisation, but last night I did the practice and I had 4 very vivid dreams, and one of them was partially lucid. I felt very excited and joyful to finally be lucid dreaming, I woke up and after Qigong and 1 memory release, slept a bit again and had 2 extremely vivid dreams again which I wrote down.

I realise I am starting to run out of money, so I will aim to live cheaply, also I am getting on with my Teach English coure, I may leave the guesthouse in the middle of the night to avoid paying even though its very cheap. Also I plan to go to Palame in Goa first as its only 1 and a half hours away by cheap bus and the rest of goa is also several buses away spending a small amount of time in each place then off to Hampi. I also have been encouraged to do Vipanassa and Oshos Ashram seem really cool too. I am looking forward to more dream yoga.

Gokarna first few days

I arrived here thinking it would be a cheap place to do some long intensive healing where perhaps I didnt want to be around other people so much. I thought it was a beautiful beach, and 150 rupees a day which was fairly cheap, for a couple of days, I did some Qi gong and started reading this book the tibetan book of dream yoga, so walking around perceiving everything as a dream, keeping a dream journal, and meditating in a more laert fashion with legs crossed, the cost of meals started to add up. I didnt really know anyone though so I still felt some isolation, and my habit seemed to return but I noticed some postive effects of not masturbating for a month... This was just a temporary lapse. I did some healing Emotional Freedom Techniques yesterday on memories to do with my dad, I want to have a good time with my dad when he arrives in Thailand and while my relationship is good, I dont want to have my buttons pushed so I did it on the memories of Announcing I am travelling early, Announcing I am not carrying on with university in Banking, Being told Im obssessive about basketball and watching TV too much, from these memories I concluded that my dad was not proud of me and I was a dissapointment, I also concluded that I have let my dad down and made him sad I need to fix it and my parents dont take me seriously, whereas I can have the other thought that my parents are proud of me and take me very seriously, which is a nice thought and also somewhat accurate. Walking along the beach yesterday I had a chat with a guy just randomly said hello and chatted about deep things for a couple of hours, and today I saw him again, and he was with a friend, and we pretty much spent half the day talking about deep things, it was good to make friends, I also changed my lodging so instead of 150 rupees a day it was now 50 rupees, so I could stay here for a long time for little cost. So I think I will stay for a month. Also I memories Qigong routines such as five animals and Yi jin jing and did them a couple of time today for such a short period of time they are very powerful, Also I read that a Qigong master would first make you master or only teach a few things in 1 year such as Yin Jin jing, 8 Piece brocade, meditation, philosophy, inner smile, opening the heart, So I should focus on this only. I also did my Teach English course from the video which was good to do as it usually takes so long to load.

Bangalore

I feel somewhat uncomfortable expressing myself fully on this knowing people read this lol, but I guess I will not give a shit.  I went to bangalore but the friend was acting confusing/indifferent so I just used the time to work on trauma release for painful memories with EFT...often I would do like 10 hours a day... The topic I was doing it on was girls and every girl I've felt pain from. I wanted to see the crap lurking around my own mind in regards to the opposite sex and perhaps the beliefs make me more attached or act a certain way, also the pain from the opposite sex is often the strongest pain of all, so it was good to release. I had thoughts coming from experiences when I was 12 that I rationalised to myself I am needy and pathetic, this belief system probably developed. I also found it uncomfortable and isolating going from the community of loving friends in Sadhana to a foreign city where it seemed that people wernt so happy or accomadating to foreigners or spoke english. One exercise I learn't was opening the heart so it was smiling, breathing slowly, imagining a sun with its light opening the heart, then radiating the love. Finally I got a ticket to gokarna.